you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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