why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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