I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
