I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize