I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
