i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
