Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
