So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
