im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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