Your face is a jimmy john
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
