She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
