Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
