There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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