Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize