I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
