Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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