NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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