apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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