I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
