I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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