I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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