blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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