I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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