Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
be right there i have to get my cape
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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