Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
