it hurts more in the daytime
bring money and cleavage
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize