I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize