if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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