Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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