look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
