In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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