3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think your dad took our porno
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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