I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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