I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
