I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
