I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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