Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
