Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
