Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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