Princesses don't give blow jobs
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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