Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
