If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
