im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
