I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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