i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
