I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
