we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
