i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
