ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
