i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize