i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Holy sore nipples Batman
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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