I CAN MOONWALK!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
