I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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