Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
