I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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