Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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