I wish they made helmets for livers.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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