You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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