Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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