I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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