i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
