My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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