Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize