I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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