How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I am one with the molecules
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
