i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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