i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
