Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
