soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
50% drunk capacity currently
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize