Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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