I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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