A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
