god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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