he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So much Jack, so little girl.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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