Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
