That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
