the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
