Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
