I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
