I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Still dying that you shit outside
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
