Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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