You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize