I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
