How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
