Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
