worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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