I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
