Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
