she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
