honey bunches of taint.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
