Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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