I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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