the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This baby is an asshole
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
