I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
