If that was your dad, he is hot
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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