How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
