turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
